What Wouldn’t We Do

In my previous post I mentioned that my second oldest finally got the haircut she had ben wanting for over a year. She was so excited and really looked forward to showing it off at school. I was so happy for her as I dropped her off at school that morning. Whelp...I picked her up and the moment she gets in my car, BOOM! tears! I'm caught off guard, I'm confused. We started of the day with such joy, such hope. All of that seemed to have vanished over the past few hours while we weren't together. There was one option...get in the backseat with her and give cuddles until she calmed down enough to tell me what was wrong. Once she was ready, she let me know that he best friend said she no longer wanted to be friends because of her haircut. Now of course, the mama bear in me was unhappy, the rational side of me knew there had to be a misunderstanding or miscommunication as they're both kids (and let's be honest, that happens a lot with kids), but in that moment, my heart broke for my sweet girl. Her joy had been tarnished and instead of being happy, she was upset and disheartened.

(Note to mention: with the help of communicating with her friends mom, their teacher and school counselor, we found out it was a HUGE misunderstanding on both their sides and the girl still wanted to be best friends with her and their friendship is still super strong. The power of communication!!)

We got home and did dinner, movie and cuddles. Anything to ease her heart and try to bring some of that joy back. When it was bedtime she wanted to sleep with us, so of course it was a "yes". During the normal nighttime cuddles she cried out more and we talked. She was hurt that she felt like she lost her friend, but more than anything, she felt alone. There weren't other girls her age with her haircut or style....not too many kids with her kind of spirit or freedom of expression. She felt out of place and "too much". We talked about how it's okay to feel that, I feel it often as well. Strong personalities often feel too much for others. But it's not her place to diminish herself, or lessen who she is to make others more comfortable. I reminded her that just like the sun, it shines bright for everyone to see, but if it decided to dwindle because it decided it was "too much", not only would it be missed, but people would feel a little "out of sorts" with out it. It was the same for her. Her light might be too much for others, but it's hope, joy and something to look forward to for others. She felt better after that talk, but still felt alone because of her hair.

So without thinking twice, I asked her if she would feel better if I got my haircut as well. For a long time I had been considering an undercut, but I always opted against it. Now if you know me, you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE my hair. The few times I've cut it, I regretted it instantly and even then it was considered long by others standards. Having any part of my hair short is a struggle with me (which is why it was a struggle to let her do it). I get a lot of confidence from my hair as it is very expressive of who I am. So something seemly simple as an undercut to someone else, was a huge deal to me. I once cried because I asked for a inch to be cut off and they cut three! Needless to say, I'm attached to it. But seeing her eyes have hope, was enough to know this was the right decision. She was so happy and finally able to go to sleep, knowing that soon she wouldn't be alone. I admit, I cried a little that night thinking about getting the undercut, as I knew I would lose a lot of hair, but knowing that something as easy as a haircut gave her back her peace and rebuilt some of her confidence, I knew it would be worth it.

I made my appointment the next morning and had the cut the day after. It was a Saturday morning appointment and she came with me for it. We took a tour of the salon (we fell in love) and she sat close by to watch me do what was one of the hardest things for me. Now my second oldest knows how attached I am to my hair. She knows how strongly I feel about having long hair and not cutting it off. So of course, she sat close and used my phone to record this moment. She squealed in joy when my hair was cut, then nearly bounced up and down as the rest was shaved off. Once it was finished she touched my hair and happily exclaimed "it's just like mine". THAT was when I knew without a doubt that I made the right decision. I once crawled under a stopped train that was blocking my way just to pick her up from daycare (I wouldn't advise it, luckily it was completely stopped), I've woken up insanely early to cook for her class, I've stayed up super late to finish her Halloween costume. But THIS...this was the hardest thing I had ever done. It took me going outside of my comfort zone, doing something I never thought I'd do, just to make her happy...just so she'd know she wasn't alone.

How far are we willing to go for our kids? It's easy to say "I love you to the moon and back", but are you really willing to get in that ship and go further than you ever thought you'd go for them? Are you willing to go beyond your personal stratosphere of comfort, desired conformity and personal want to give your kid(s) the security, sense of self and peace that they need and are looking for?

Getting beyond my comfort helped her overcome her personal mountain.